Things we think about things.

What just happened tonight is a testament to how closely connected the world is, how technology allows instant access to the world, and how most of the weird shit I experience comes knocking at my door rather than being sought out.

(the names have been changed to protect the innocent)

 Every time I go a long time without writing something, I manage to milk out an entire post about how I'm "back" and going to be doing things again. THIS IS NOT THAT POST. Skippin' it.

There are a million different angles on this story, but I'm pretty sure that they all lead the same place: Juggalo culture is both fascinating and terrifying; simultaneously one of the most depressing sectors of Americana and something to be completely awed by.

Some of you may have no clue what I'm talking about, and that is yet another remarkable facet of Juggalo culture. Somehow, it is completely isolated from the modern music scene, yet arenas are still filled by thousands of disenchanted 16-30 year olds in clown makeup demanding to have Faygo soda sprayed on them. Let me take a step back and actually give the basic facts of the story for those of you who literally have NO idea what I'm talking about. Briefly- When grunge was at its peak of popularity, and the disaffected youth were forced to watch society embrace "their" music, they began to turn to something different...something darker..something...dumber. The angry guys who didn't have the emotional depth or intellectual capacity for the "artsy" angst of alternative rock reverted to their most base states, and in the most dispairing sections of the country- Bakersfield, Jacksonville, Detroit- Nu-Metal was born. Characterized by unnecessarily shocking hateful lyrics specifically designed for 14 year olds rapped/screamed over drop-d tuned metal chords, these bands fought their way into middle schools/high schools/trailer parks across america and eventually, onto the charts. Other bands emerged to cash in on the success. Everyone got sick of it, and it went away- (See: Disco, New-Wave, Grunge, Ska, Pop-Punk, Boy-Bands, etc).

But some people refused to let go. A particulary virulent strain was found in the fans of the Insane Clown Posse, and these people call themselves Juggalos. These are some basic tenants of Juggalo-ism:

• Clown Makeup
• Bad White Rapping about murdering people
• Spraying off-brand soda (specifically "Faygo") on each other
• Calling each other "Ninjas"
• Not giving a fuck

I have to say a few conflicting things here. First, Juggalo culture is one of THE absolute dumbest things I have ever come across. Parts of it disgust me, and the rest of it is absolutely comical. Second, I have to respect it in a weird sort of way. These guys aren't just holding onto a fad to be popular, they aren't specifically bothering me, and they seem to actually enjoy this dumb, dumb subculture. Basically I think that people should have the right to grow up to become Juggalos, without persecution. Yet some burning piece inside of me wants to persecute them so bad that I can't help from looking up things about them on the internet to laugh at them. Its the same part of me that likes watching religous public access shows. It makes me feel good about the things that I think and the path that I'm on.

But am I really just preferring my delusions to those of the Juggalos or the Christians? After all, I was one of those fad jumpers.If you had told me in 1997 that ICP would still be around 10 years later but Limp Bizkit would fall off the face of the planet, I would have taken my backwards red Yankee cap off and told you to stick it up your ass. Now that I'm grown up, I prefer my indie rock and my alternative comedians, but I couldn't possibly fit in more with my surroundings here in Portland. If the things I liked were so far off from what anyone else in my culture found acceptable, would I still like them? Yet the Juggalos trudge on.

I'd like to compare the Juggalos and the Tea-Baggers for a minute. These are two groups whose delusions and gatherings I find the most comical. Nearly every single thing that comes out of either of these groups is worth having a laugh at. I mentioned in an earlier post that I thought that the tea-baggers were mostly poor dumb people being convinced by rich people to help keep them rich and do their bidding. To a large extent, I think thats true. I think that the long arms of conservative america are using their moral authority as a guise to gain power over those who can't mentally separate their politics from their religion (and religious leaders). I don't see the juggalos on this scale. I don't think that Violent J and Shaggy 2-dope have grand nefarious schemes, and I'm not even sure if I think that they're doing America a disservice. Yes, the guys who sing songs about hacking people up with axes are held in higher esteem in my mind than the guy who told a story called "The Christmas Sweater". The Juggalos aren't trying to push juggaloism on anyone. They just want to get together, spray their soda, fight each other, and listen to their shitty music. Obviously, I still cannot condone most of the things that the Juggalos support. While their general hatred isn't specifically focused or endangering one group, it's still based (at least theoretically) on hatred and violence.

And so I remain torn. Someone help me?