Every time I go a long time without writing something, I manage to milk out an entire post about how I'm "back" and going to be doing things again. THIS IS NOT THAT POST. Skippin' it.

There are a million different angles on this story, but I'm pretty sure that they all lead the same place: Juggalo culture is both fascinating and terrifying; simultaneously one of the most depressing sectors of Americana and something to be completely awed by.

Some of you may have no clue what I'm talking about, and that is yet another remarkable facet of Juggalo culture. Somehow, it is completely isolated from the modern music scene, yet arenas are still filled by thousands of disenchanted 16-30 year olds in clown makeup demanding to have Faygo soda sprayed on them. Let me take a step back and actually give the basic facts of the story for those of you who literally have NO idea what I'm talking about. Briefly- When grunge was at its peak of popularity, and the disaffected youth were forced to watch society embrace "their" music, they began to turn to something different...something darker..something...dumber. The angry guys who didn't have the emotional depth or intellectual capacity for the "artsy" angst of alternative rock reverted to their most base states, and in the most dispairing sections of the country- Bakersfield, Jacksonville, Detroit- Nu-Metal was born. Characterized by unnecessarily shocking hateful lyrics specifically designed for 14 year olds rapped/screamed over drop-d tuned metal chords, these bands fought their way into middle schools/high schools/trailer parks across america and eventually, onto the charts. Other bands emerged to cash in on the success. Everyone got sick of it, and it went away- (See: Disco, New-Wave, Grunge, Ska, Pop-Punk, Boy-Bands, etc).

But some people refused to let go. A particulary virulent strain was found in the fans of the Insane Clown Posse, and these people call themselves Juggalos. These are some basic tenants of Juggalo-ism:

• Clown Makeup
• Bad White Rapping about murdering people
• Spraying off-brand soda (specifically "Faygo") on each other
• Calling each other "Ninjas"
• Not giving a fuck

I have to say a few conflicting things here. First, Juggalo culture is one of THE absolute dumbest things I have ever come across. Parts of it disgust me, and the rest of it is absolutely comical. Second, I have to respect it in a weird sort of way. These guys aren't just holding onto a fad to be popular, they aren't specifically bothering me, and they seem to actually enjoy this dumb, dumb subculture. Basically I think that people should have the right to grow up to become Juggalos, without persecution. Yet some burning piece inside of me wants to persecute them so bad that I can't help from looking up things about them on the internet to laugh at them. Its the same part of me that likes watching religous public access shows. It makes me feel good about the things that I think and the path that I'm on.

But am I really just preferring my delusions to those of the Juggalos or the Christians? After all, I was one of those fad jumpers.If you had told me in 1997 that ICP would still be around 10 years later but Limp Bizkit would fall off the face of the planet, I would have taken my backwards red Yankee cap off and told you to stick it up your ass. Now that I'm grown up, I prefer my indie rock and my alternative comedians, but I couldn't possibly fit in more with my surroundings here in Portland. If the things I liked were so far off from what anyone else in my culture found acceptable, would I still like them? Yet the Juggalos trudge on.

I'd like to compare the Juggalos and the Tea-Baggers for a minute. These are two groups whose delusions and gatherings I find the most comical. Nearly every single thing that comes out of either of these groups is worth having a laugh at. I mentioned in an earlier post that I thought that the tea-baggers were mostly poor dumb people being convinced by rich people to help keep them rich and do their bidding. To a large extent, I think thats true. I think that the long arms of conservative america are using their moral authority as a guise to gain power over those who can't mentally separate their politics from their religion (and religious leaders). I don't see the juggalos on this scale. I don't think that Violent J and Shaggy 2-dope have grand nefarious schemes, and I'm not even sure if I think that they're doing America a disservice. Yes, the guys who sing songs about hacking people up with axes are held in higher esteem in my mind than the guy who told a story called "The Christmas Sweater". The Juggalos aren't trying to push juggaloism on anyone. They just want to get together, spray their soda, fight each other, and listen to their shitty music. Obviously, I still cannot condone most of the things that the Juggalos support. While their general hatred isn't specifically focused or endangering one group, it's still based (at least theoretically) on hatred and violence.

And so I remain torn. Someone help me?

To start, let me say that I haven't read the book. Some people read the book. Those people might like or dislike the movie differently based on how they feel about the book. A more accurate description is that once I read the first part of the book, but it didn't appeal to me because I wasn't in high school.

I'm still not in high school, but I did watch the movie. I like Michael Cera. I want him to be the next Tom Hanks. And I also want him to beat the fuck out of Shia Laboeuf, because they seem to all be fighting for the same roles.

I also knew what I was getting into. Michael Cera has what we call a "limited range" of acting ability. I've seen him in a few movies. The worst of which was Juno. I guess the best one was Superbad.

Anyway, this movie was totally fine. I don't know who liked it and who didn't, and once there are some more arguments, I'll address them.

In summary, I'm tired because I spent all day thinking about remodeling my bathroom and then I went disc golfing before watching the movie.

The movie gets a high B.

44 Posts to go....

Maybe I'm a month or so late on this, but I just saw Avatar. I wasn't trying to not see it, but things kept coming up and I just didn't care enough to make the effort (and drop the dollas), and I almost missed it. But then I realized that seeing it in any format other than the big screen in 3-d would defeat the purpose anyway, so I went two days ago.

I think the best way to review it is to sum up the arguments for and against it and weigh my thoughts on each of them.

Arguments for:

• Looks awesome- have to concur. nobody has done 3-d that way or that well, and seamless cgi with live action. I think it is hands down the best visual effects movie to date.

That's basically the main argument for the movie. Nobody is saying the acting or plot is groundbreaking (see arguments against), but we can all agree that it was a sweet visual experience.

Arguments against:

• Plot was a recycle of fern gully, dances with wolves, and pocahontas- Yeah, thats kind of true. But harry potter is lord of the rings is star wars. This may just be another one of the great american stories- white folk fuck some shit up, and in the process some of them identify with the victims and fight with them. its a feel good story for us white folk who have been doing that kind of stuff for centuries
• too long/boring- eh, the visuals and action shots made it worth the length
• bad acting- yeah, some of the acting wasn't great. i think this can be summed up by the G.I Joe general guy.

In summary, I actually liked it quite a bit. There are a lot of different types of movies out there, and this was a great example of a blockbuster/effects extravaganza that wasn't mindless or screen chewing (see Transformers). Action movies could take a cue from the attention to detail.

And sure, the visual effects outweighed the plot by a wide margin. But this was some pioneering technology. Someone is going to now take it, and do something crazy awesome with it and probably make the best movies ever made.

So, surprisingly, I give Avatar an A-. On a scale of a normal grading system. Where A's are kind of common, but you gotta earn em...

By the way, I have plans to watch a lot of movies in the coming weeks, so I'll be sure to review all of them to get a lot of posts in. That is all.